


Supernatural v. Smallville: For the Pride of the Tribes

by truelyesoteric



Series: Not Quite Slash [1]
Category: CW Network RPF
Genre: Crack, Gen, SUPERNATURAL RPS GEN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 15:38:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1310095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truelyesoteric/pseuds/truelyesoteric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its winter and Canada is cold and dark. So of course Tommy becomes a diva, Jared becomes whiny, and Jensen swears like a sailor. Mike's always crazy so he decides to start something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Supernatural v. Smallville: For the Pride of the Tribes

**Author's Note:**

> LJ repost circa 2007 
> 
> I realized last week I missed CW RPS. I am moving this over from LJ because I want it here. It's totally dated. But I love it still.
> 
> CW RPS NEVER DIES!
> 
> Newbies this is where it came from.

It always happened around March.

Although Jared assumed that it had always happened since the dawn of time.

Jensen assured him that it did and the guy had two more winters in Vancouver, so Jared was inclined to believe him.

After basketball ended there was nothing to do besides work.

And then it happened.

March was when everyone went ape shit crazy.

2008 was a banner year, with the writer's strike they had spent less time trapped in the cold darkness, but March came around and they started to get itchy.

Usually Tom was the friendliest guy on the face of the planet, Jared was the most outgoing guy on the face of the planet, and Jensen was economical with words. Mike was the crazy one.

So when the crazies hit they made them totally act out of character.

 

It was Tom who snapped first.

 

"Stupid new director," Tom huffed one night out at the restaurant, "He wants me to do things his way. Who does he think he is?"

"The director," Jensen said, motioning for a new beer.

"Balls," Tom swore, "He's a jerk. I've been playing this role for seven years, I know what the hell I'm doing."

Jared leaned back because he had known Tom forever and this 'Prima-Donna-Tom' was a rare occurrence.

"Geese Tommy," Mike said, "Channeling your inner diva there? I didn't know you even had one."

Tom just looked at him blue eyes blazing with ill contained fury.

 

Jared was next.

"Sandy's at the fucking beach, and she just had to call to tell me that its warm and sunny and she’s at the beach," Jared said throwing his phone to the ground in disgust.

Jensen looked up from his script, "The whore, where does she think she is? California?"

Jared pouted, "Its March Jensen, I should be where its almost summertime."

Jensen absentmindedly patted Jared and went back to reading his script.

Jared picked his phone up off the ground and then after a moment's contemplation threw it back to the ground.

"You're going to break your phone," Jensen informed him.

Jared sat back flinging his arms out and letting out a sigh like the world was ending and he was the last martyr.

 

It was completely understandable then that Jensen was next, what with him and Jared being on the same cycle and all.

"Motherfuckingsonofawhorecuntfucker," Jensen said trying to open his door, the damn thing not responding to his magical words.

"Might work better with a key," Jared said morosely.

Jensen glared at him with the hatred of a thousand burning suns.

"Fucker I'll give your sorry ass two seconds to get out of my sight or I'm going to haul off and fuck you up real bad," Jensen told him.

"Eric won't like it if you hit me," Jared told him, sounding five.

"Eric's a pig fucker and I don't care," Jensen said.

Jared wisely left.

 

Michael Rosenbaum was unaffected.

He was bat shit crazy most of the time, anyway. However if he had to deal with diva Tom, pouting Jared, and a Jensen who would make sailors blush, for any longer then he was going to slit his wrists.

So he had a plan.

Scratch that, he had a plan that would most likely not get them arrested.

Bonus.

All he had to do was get Jared to agree to it, because if he could get Jared to agree to it, then Jensen would follow because Jensen wouldn't let Jared near Mike unless he was present because the one time when he wasn’t there. Jared had broken his hand in a bar fight (stunt work my ass).

Tommy would do anything he said, as long as it wouldn't piss off Jamie too much, and Jamie would LOVE this plan because it would mean bitchy Tom was off her hands.

And he would need Chad, because Chad was a genius at this type of thing.

 

Somehow they all were at the bar when Chad showed up, wearing a dark grayish purple suit with a fancy tie, he stood there perfectly poised.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jensen asked, "Don't you have a fucking show to be on. Or some underage chick to bang?"

Chad held up his hands, "We have a different shooting schedule than you and I’m monogamous now, she’s legal."

Jensen just glared and Jared pouted because Chad got to film in North Carolina, which was about twenty degrees warmer than Vancouver. Tommy rolled his eyes, he was so over this.

“I invited him,” Mike said, “We need an official.”

"How the fuck do you even know this fuckwit?" Jensen said petulantly to Mike.

Mike looked at him as if he was crazy, "We've been on the same network since forever, how could I not know him."

"Can we get on with this?" Tommy asked rolling his eyes.

"The rules are simple boys," Chad said tapping his fingertips together, "You will do what I say everyday, you will have one task and the winner will be the one who wins the most. This must be totally secret, you cannot tell anyone why you are doing any of this. You cannot pay people to do things. Mike told me that you can't use hookers, but I think that if you want to use them for personal time, then that's just great, but not for this game. Finally, and most importantly I am supreme ruler of this game. I make all calls over everything, there is no arguing, I am fucking GOD."

Jensen rolled his eyes with a groan, "Great we're giving CHAD power over our lives," Jensen looked over at Jared, "Why the fuck am I doing this stupid ass shit?"

Jared sighed with the weight of the world.

"This is for the pride of the tribes," Mike said manically, "We do this to see once and for all which is the better show."

"I thought that was what ratings were for," Tom said, studying his nails.

"No," Mike told them, "Ratings are crap. This is for us. Supernatural versus Smallville, the ultimate challenge."

Jared sighed again. Tom continued to look at his nails and Jensen glared.

"We are going to turn a bitch out!" Mike said happily.

 

DAY ONE: PENS

~Chad stood before them, hands clasped together, "You must take every pen you come across. You have to take it without being caught, if caught you must give them two back. The one with the most pens wins."~

 

"Chad is an cunt," Jensen grumbled, sitting in make up, "I should never have become friends with you, you made me have to deal with the little shit."

Jared leaned back and looked at the ceiling, "This is so incredibly lame."

They saw the first one laying on the table and suddenly it seemed less lame than boredom. Jared reached out and put it in his pocket, he felt a little glimmer of happy.

 

"Have you seen my pen Mike?" one of the grips asked.

Mike gave him an innocent smile, "Sorry no."

He couldn't see it really, it was down his pants.

 

"So I think that you should..." Kim trailed off searching the desk for his pen.

Jensen shrugged and looked at the script.

Kim pulled another pen out of the box, "That is the third one I’ve lost since we came in here to do the read through. These little pens are disappearing into another dimension.

Or Jensen's jacket pockets.

 

Tom was silent; he had never felt a greater sense of satisfaction. He had spent all day watching the director like a hawk.

The Evil Director was swearing about loosing his hundredth pen.

Serves the man for trying to tell Superman what to do.

 

 

"Supernatural 79. Smallville 134. Smallville wins," Chad announced.

"Its no fair that Smallville has more fucking pens on its set, this blows. Its not my fault Supernatural uses pencils like normal people who want to erase." Jensen complained.

“We don’t erase on Smallville,” Tommy said haughtily, “We know what we’re doing.”

"You lost Ackles," Chad told him, "Deal."

Jensen glared at Jared, "This is your fault fucker, you had to totally give back like twenty pens."

Jared shrugged, "We still would have lost."

Chad looked between the two of them, "Trouble in paradise, are there cracks in the foundation of the great Supernatural duo?"

Tommy looked at the table full of pens; there were a lot of them.

"What are we doing with the pens?" he asked.

The five men looked at the immense pile of pens.

Mike jumped forward first, "To the winners go the spoils! Mine Mine Mine."

"That's great Mike," Jared said quietly, "But what are you going to do with them?"

Mike grinned manically, "You don't want to know."

They knew better than to argue that.

 

DAY TWO: TUTU

~Chad held out a very pink, very frilly Tutu.

"I'm not wearing that fucking thing," Jensen informed him.

Chad looked at him as if that was common knowledge, "Of course you're not. You're going to get other people to wear it and take photos. By the end of the day whoever has the most points will win. Points are as follows. You get one point for a girl; three for a guy, and five for someone higher up than you and ten for those who I randomly think is hilarious actually wearing a tutu. Like the old guy from craft services. Make me laugh people. There will be no arguments, my decisions are final. I am omnipotent, indiscriminate, and opalescent."

"You are milk-ily iridescent?" Jared asked, staring at the floor.

"Just for that Supernatural starts at -5 points," Chad said, "Remember people you cannot tell a soul why you are doing it, you just must do it."~

 

Typically Jensen would smile and any woman on earth would do anything he wanted and swoon. Typically Jared would sweet talk you into anything he wanted, long vowels twanging, and making anything seem like a good idea.

This was not one of those typical days.

Jensen loomed and couldn’t get a sentence out without profanity slicking it over his tongue. Nobody wanted to wear a tutu from the scary guy, especially when he wouldn’t tell you why. It just seemed pervy and wrong. So he had to scare most people into it.

Jared moped in that way that had people quietly discussing if he should go on Prozac. Halfway through the day someone brought him one of those lights that simulated sunlight in hopes that this was some kind of seasonal disorder. He was mopey, but not in that way that was cute. Some people took pity on him and wore the tutu, but most avoided him as if depression was an airborne virus.

 

“Kim,” Jensen said, watching his language, “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure, what's going on Jensen?” Kim asked.

“I need a favor,” Jensen asked.

“What?” Kim asked.

“Can I take a picture of you wearing a tutu?” Jensen asked as if it was a normal request.

Kim laughed trailing off at Jensen not laughing, “Wait, you’re serious? Why?”

“I can’t tell you,” Jensen asked, wanting to die.

Kim just looked at him incredulously.

 

On the set of Smallville it was a different case entirely.

“Can you put on this tutu and I’ll take a picture of you,” Mike asked just about everyone.

“Why?” was the almost inevitable answer.

“Do you really want to know,” Mike said with a grin.

Most of them just put the tutu on without question. It was better not to know when Michael was involved.

 

The coup de resistance for Tom was his arch nemesis, (not Lex Luthor,) but that director.

“Hi,” Tom said brightly, because he was an actor and he could play the role of sweet Tom Welling, he’d had some practice after all.

“Hi,” said the Evil Director.

“We have this thing,” Tom said, looking all little boy and awwwwshucks, “We kinda have a wall of pictures of people in tutus, we do it for all the cast and crew and it’s kind of like a welcome to the family thing.”

The Evil Director smiled, feeling like he was finally getting along, joining up, “Sure I’ll wear it.”

Tom took the picture, smiling with a glint in his eye. That glint was not mischief or humor, that glint was something a little wicked.

 

“Wow,” Chad said looking at the tally and then at Jared and Jensen, “Did you even try?”

“You are an ingrown vagina wart hair,” Jensen felt the need to tell him.

Chad looked taken aback and a little impressed at Jensen’s ability to turn a phrase, “Still doesn’t change the fact that you lost.”

Jensen seethed and took Jared out by the scruff of the neck.

“We will not loose,” Jensen said, “We cannot loose to that bald mother fucker and his goofy sidekick. We will be the laughing stock of the CW. I cannot have this. We are far better looking, more talented, so much more creative, and collectively taller than those two.”

Jared nodded, a little light coming into his eyes, “I agree. They’re going down.”

 

DAY NIGHT THREE: NOT THE BRA CHALLENGE

~They stood there looking at the building in disbelief.

Chad stood before them, his hands behind his back, “I wanted boobs. I had a great challenge involving getting pictures of bras and you had to find one in every color, but Mike had a rule that I had to run each challenge by Sandy before enacting it. She promised to do horrible things to me if I went with the boobs challenge that would not be pleasant. Plus they have sexual harassment in Canada too, who knew, so tada we have this one.”

The other four men looked at the karaoke bar.

“I don’t sing unless you pay me,” Tom said haughtily.

“Of course you don’t,” Chad told him rolling his eyes, “You are going to find people to sing, coerce them into singing a song of your choice and who ever gets the most points wins, you get points by getting my attention.”

He held up a clipboard, “You will get graded on persona versus song. Don’t have some college girl sing ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ that is lame. What is great is creativity.”

“Remember no telling anyone anything. Also no paying anyone anything. Stick to the rules. There is a major honor system in place here.”~

 

Jensen and Jared were sitting at the bar. Jensen looked a little panicked and had a lovely montage of words that he was muttering under his breath. The waitress had not returned.

“FuckFuckFuckedlyFuckFuck,” Jensen said, looking at his beer.

“Since when do you watch Hugh Grant?” Jared asked skeptically.

Jensen looked at him, expression screaming what the fuck?

“Never mind,” Jared said embarrassed. It really was Sandy’s fault he knew things like that.

Really.

“We’re going to loose,” Jensen informed him.

Jared was a little more alert and a lot more serene, “Jen we got this one. I know people, you know music. We can so win this one. Team work.”

“Michael Rosenbaum is a genius at this kind of thing,” Jensen said, “These things are fucking rigged. Isn’t Chad YOUR friend?”

Jared stood up and grabbed Jensen by both arms shaking him sharply, “Snap out of it man. This is for the pride of the CW.”

Jensen’s eyes cleared and he looked at Jared a newfound ferocity in his eyes.

“We will win.”

 

It was six, they had until two to bedazzle Chad, who had settled down in a table by the front with his clipboard.

He motioned the waitress with a flick of his wrist and looked at his players.

“Amuse me bitches.”

 

The first one was simple, and Mike whipped it up pretty quickly. He pulled aside a hot co-ed and had her sing ‘Folsom Prison Blues.’

Chad just yawned making a note on his clipboard, “I didn't think it was possible to get negative points.”

 

That is when they got serious.

Mike pulled the bouncer aside and whispered in his ear.

The bouncer was huge, he dwarfed Mike and even made Tom look a little less of a Superman.

The man looked at Mike as if he were crazy, and then by some strange twist of fate and the speedball of Michael Rosenbaum, the man’s face began to show uncertainty. Then he slid into acquiescence.

Jensen and Jared just looked scared.

“That boy is like a roofie on legs,” Jared sighed.

Ever so right.

The bouncer got up and ‘I Feel Pretty’ from West Side Story began.

Jensen buried his face in his hands, “We’re screwed.”

Jared looked at the stage thoughtfully and looked at the fairly empty room.

He was alert and thinking, “Maybe not. Time to bring out the big guns.”

 

 

“Do not swear in front of the musical talent,” Jared hissed.

Jensen rolled his eyes and took their first singer to the stage. He took the microphone from the holder and handed it to the next vocalist. The he got down on his knees and whispered in the little girl’s ear.

“Where did they even find a seven year old in a bar?” Tom asked amazed.

“They pulled her off the street,” Chad said leaning forward, waiting for what was coming next.

“Cheaters,” Tom muttered.

“Is there an amber alert in Canada?” Mike wondered aloud.

She was little and cute and wearing a little white dress with a blue bow. Her hair was in pigtails.

She started singing ‘Love By the Dashboard Light’ by Meatloaf.

Jared whispered frantically to the parents, trying to convince them of not storming the stage, and for by stroke of fate they eventually relaxed.

Chad was laughing his ass off.

“No fair,” Tom huffed, “They’re using your mortal weakness against you, under aged girls.”

“Shut it,” Chad said, “I’m in charge of points and you might want to suck up and get me more alcohol to redeem yourself after that comment.

Tom made Mike do it.

 

Tom and Mike tried to get back into the game.

They found very drunk frat boys. They put on the song and the boys sang away as if their lives depended on it. The boys were dramatic and fabulous.

They sang ‘I Will Survive’ with feeling.

And without a shred of irony.

 

Jensen and Jared were almost giddy at the next song.

They ushered up their next contestant.

“Another streetwalker,” Tom complained.

The woman must have been almost ninety, but she looked to be a little in love with Jared and Jensen.

The song started and Chad nearly choked on his beer.

She sang the words to ‘My Humps’  the Alannis version  remarkably well for a woman in thick glasses. Jared and Jensen did back up dancing.

Chad was grinning wildly.

 

Tom thought it was the stupidest idea ever. Mike thought it was wildly hilarious.

The person was in front of the stage was wearing bright make-up and a wildly colorful dress, at the end of the seven feet of legs there were pumps on gigantic feet.

“Geese,” Jensen said taking stock of Jared, “That's what you would look like in drag.”

Jared cocked his head and looked at the transvestite, “My legs are so much better.”

Chad just stared and looked uncomfortable.

When the song started and the Devynls ‘Touch Myself’ came on he looked positively green.

 

 

Jared and Jensen hit their stride. The found surly old man yelling at people obscenely, and Jensen was a little in love with the way that he could string together obscenities. They got Old drunk guy to sing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. The man gave a commentary while he sang and occasionally let out machine fire vulgarities.

Jared could sweet-talk anyone, but everyone was surprised when he brought in the nuns. The two women were laughing through their song and so was Chad. The nuns were doing Amy Winehouse’s Rehab song. Chad loved his life at that moment.

Team Supernatural was doing really really well.

Then they found the piece de resistance.

 

The girls were in the bar and they were quite possibly the most attractive females in the world. What the fuck they were doing in a karaoke bar in Vancouver was beyond anyone’s thought process.

Jared and Jensen talked to them for a long time, then they took the stage.

It was ever so simple, they took their microphones and smiled.

“This is for Chad,” The One On The Right said.

When ‘Happy Birthday’ by Marilyn Monroe started they made their way to Chad. There was boob brushing and husky singing, and something akin to a lap dance that didn’t take of clothing.

It left Chad grinning.

 

You wanna know how that challenge ended?

 

Supernatural was making a comeback.

 

 

DAY FOUR: PISTOLS AT DAWN OR MAYBE NOON

~They stood in the middle of the dark room with shooting black lights.

Chad stood reverently, wearing what was now a customary suit of the night. Jensen, Jared, Tom and Mike wore pristine white jumpsuits.

“A paintball challenge?” Tom asked, “How lame.”

But the extreme superiority was gone from his voice, he looked a little bit hopeful.

Chad cocked his head.

Jared almost giggled, “Of course not…”

Jensen snorted, “So what have you got for us this time you bastard.”

Which was a lot kinder language than anyone had heard from in weeks.

They all looked at Chad expectantly.

“We are going to have a duel,” Chad said with the right amount of levity, “You will have three chances the one with the most hits wins.”

Jensen and Jared looked almost giddy.

“That is no fair,” Tom whined.

“That is really no fair,” Mike agreed, “They’re from Texas. Jensen has been shooting guns for years on all those shows. This is so the opposite of fair.”

Chad considered for a moment looking at them and then he nodded, “You’re right, Jensen and Jared have to do it left handed.”

“What?” Jared said in disbelief.

“Goddamn-motherfucking-tinyballed-cuntfaced-asswipe,” Jensen said, apparently not so cured of his swearing addiction.

Chad waved him off, already desensitized to Jensen’s words.

“You agreed to have me be your almighty power,” Chad said loftily, “Deal.”

Jared leaned into Jensen and whispered in his ear, “We are so much better than these two, we should have no problem.”

Jensen looked at him incredulously, “Except for maybe that whole totally unfair thing.”~

 

Jared versus Mike was first.

They were back to back and counted twenty paces. They turned. Mike hit true. And he let out a whoop.

“He’s tiny, I’m not,” Jared appealed to Jensen.

“Do you think Texas is rolling over in its grave?” Mike asked, “They’re so totally not going to claim you now.”

Jared made a huge target and he couldn’t seem to hit Mike.

Score one for Smallville.

 

Jensen looked at Tom and turned his back.

When Jensen turned he didn’t seem to even look.

The paintballs escaped from the gun and Tom didn’t stand a chance.

 

Jared faced off against Tom and it was a huge comedy of errors. They took three attempts to even connect.

“You suck,” Jensen announced.

Jared looked at him in that I’m-going-to-kill-you way that only brothers have.

The next time Jared lifted a paintball gun red spots ended up on Tom.

 

“Two to Supernatural,” Chad announced brushing off lint as the rest of the guys were covered in paintball spots.

“Jensen versus Mike,” Jared said with a smirk.

The two squared off and then counted off their twenty paces.

Jensen cracked his neck and then turned around.

Jensen was amazing at this kind of thing.

 

Chad grinned, “One more challenge boys, bring your A game tomorrow.”

 

DAY FIVE : THE FINAL CHALLENGE

~Chad stood before them in an Armani tux at the front of the room before a podium.

“Welcome to the final challenge, this thing will be in a few parts, we need to see who knows the most about the shows, who is the best dancer, who is the strongest and whatnot.”

Jensen whispered, to Jared, “Did he just say that?”

Jared nodded wide-eyed.

“I’ve added some players to the game,” Chad told him.

In walked Allison Mack, Erica Durance, Katie Cassidy, and Lauren Cohan.

“Guys, these are your girls,” Chad said, “Girls welcome to the final challenge.”

The girls went and stood next to their co-stars.

“This is it, for all the marbles,” Chad announced, “Once and for all who has the better show.”

“We have the hotter show,” Lauren smirked.

Chad rolled his eyes, “Yes that is great. However we’re so not doing a bathing suit competition, I am not that kind of guy. I don’t want to see them in Speedos.”

“Thank god,” Jensen said.~

 

“First is all about your knowledge of your shows and the opposing show,” Chad announced, “You will answer some very elite questions from my unnamed source. Whoever answers the most questions wins the first round.”

Chad shuffled the index cards in front of him, the two teams were behind long tables and they were equipped with buzzers.

He looked up and smiled, “We’ll start out easy. Who did Terrence Stamp, who plays Jor-El, play in Superman II?”

Mike looked baffled, as if Chad was speaking a different language and Tom looked as if he was lost in thought.

It was Katie who buzzed in first.

“General Zod,” she said without hesitation.

Jared high fived her, Katie just smiled.

Chad rolled his eyes, “How do the Winchester brother’s maintain their lifestyle?”

Katie buzzed in immediately.

“The only known sources of income for the Winchesters are credit card scams, poker games and playing pool,” she replied.

Allie glared at her.

Jensen shrugged, “I knew that one.

“How about this one bitch,” Chad announced, “What was the original concept of the Supernatural show.”

It was only disbelief that stopped Jensen and Jared from buzzing in immediately.

Katie buzzed in before the question was asked, “The original concept had a reporter going to investigate the urban legends and writing about them in his column instead of having the Dean and Sam concept.”

“Duh,” Jared said and there was a little respect in his voice.

Chad shuffled the index cards, “Who was the second choice to play Clark Kent. If Tom Welling had not accepted the part, the role would have gone to this actor.”

“Jensen Ackles,”

Jensen looked at her as if she were absolutely insane.

“You are Correct,”

Jensen’s jaw dropped, “Really?”

“Apparently,” Chad giggled, “I so can’t imagine you as Superman.”

Tom glared at Jensen, “Neither can I.”

“Awkward,” Chad said moving swiftly on, “The name of one of the Kryptonian baddies from season 5 is named Nam-Ek, the same name of a race of aliens come to earth in what Anime? For bonus points name the Issue that this character first appears.”

“This is so rigged,” Jared squeaked, “How is anyone supposed to know that?”

Katie opened her eyes, “Dragonball Z. Superman #282?”

Jensen was tired of picking his jaw up off the ground so he just shrugged, “You are such a nerd.”

“Shush,” she chided him, “I’m winning.”

Jared coked his head, “She’s not wrong.”

“Lets get serious,” Chad informed them, What is the round blue/skull sticker on the top of Sam's season one laptop?”

Katie took a moment and everyone looked at her. She just smiled, “It is from a prominent local North Vancouver mountain bike company, Deep Cove Bike Shop”

Chad looked directly at her and asked the next question, “Where does the name of the Belle Reve Hospital come from?”

Jared and Jensen threw up their buzzers in disgust and looked at Katie.

She just smiled, “Belle Reve is the name of the estate that Blanche and Stella DuBois come from in Tennessee William’s ‘A Streetcar Named Desire.’ Throughout the play, Blanche gradually becomes insane.”

“How the hell do you know all of this?” Jensen whispered, he didn’t know half of this stuff and he was on the goddamned show.

“He got all his questions from IMDB trivia,” she told him happily, “I checked you guys and the shows that you were on before.”

Jared reached out and pulled her into a huge hug.

“I love you a little bit right now,” he informed her.

 

Tom and Jensen looked at the contraption and had similar looks of horrification.

“Hell no,” Jensen announced.

“I second that,” Tom agreed.

Chad sighed, “If you two are going to be a bunch of pansies then I can’t stop you, just as long as things are even.”

“What is this?” Jared asked.

“This is DDR baby,” Chad announced, “You dance according to what comes on the screen.

Allison Mack grinned, “This is awesome.”

“You are such a geek,” Tom informed her.

“I’m going to win this thing for your sorry ass and you are talking down to me?” she asked with her hands on her hips.

Mike pulled her to him, “We love you Allie-kins, we are forever in your dorky debt.”

She glared at him.

 

Chad had never loved his life or his crazy ideas more.

Jared made the thing look strangely tiny. His feet refused to fit on only one of the little circles.

In addition he danced like a spastic monkey, using his arms uselessly and forgetting about his legs.

Erica was no better.

“I’ve never been able to do aerobics,” she offered weakly.

Mike got on and surprisingly gave a halfway decent show, he could only shrug, “There is nothing I'm not good at,” he informed everyone with a grin.

“Bullshit,” Jensen coughed.

Tom and Jensen stayed steadfast in their decision not to take part of this challenge.

Katie got on and didn’t suck and Lauren showed her up.

Allison just watched. When it was her turn she cracked her neck.

“Ready for this?” she asked the crew.

They watched her, and they watched her more. She wasn’t graceful or poetic, she was a determined woman on a mission. She hit the right spots like she was typing on a keyboard, with the precision of a stenographer.

When she ended she was sweating and out of breath.

She had also beat everyone else’s score by at least twice.

She just grinned, “Go Smallville.”

 

Chad stood in his Armani tux. He was holding a little green hose and filling a very large puddle with water dripping out of a low pressure hose, making a particularly horrible looking sinkhole.

Across the hole was a very ordinary looking rope.

“This can’t be what it seems,” Jensen said looking hesitantly at the scene before him.

Chad shrugged, “Shut it. I’ve been brilliant through this whole thing and I came up with this on a moments notice. I’ve run out of things. I’ve been fucking brilliant, and there is nothing left. So you get tug-of-war.”

“So…” Allison began, “The whole balance of eternal bragging rights hinges on a game of tug of war.”

“Looks like it,” Chad told them, “Whoever wins this wins everything.”

“If there was a picture of anticlimax,” Jensen said quietly, “This is what it would look like.”

Four members of Smallville and four members of Supernatural looked at the mud hole.

“Jensen's at the front,” Lauren announced.

“What? Why?” Jensen said looking at the sinkhole.

Lauren shrugged, “Jared is a good anchor and if anything goes wrong I’m not going to be the first one into the mud.”

“So little confidence in your boys?” Mike chided.

Lauren looked at him, her eyes blazing. She was a fighter as much as any person in Hollywood was.

“You’re going down Rosenbaum,” she informed him, “My boys will kick your boys asses any day.”

Mike looked at Jared and Jensen, “You got a good one boys.”

Jared sighed, “Are we going to do this?”

Chad smiled, “Of course. I am your GOD.”

 

One side was Jared, Jensen, Katie and then Lauren. On the other side was Tommy, Erica, Allison, Mike. This was to be the final challenge.

Everyone took their places.

They all looked at the sinkhole in absolute apprehension.

Everyone grasped the rope.

For three very long seconds Supernatural feared for its superiority.

Then Jared and gravity kicked in. Jared’s fee flew from under him pulling the rope backwards and effectively pulling everyone toward him. Smallville ended up covered in mud.

“Take that bitches,” Jensen screamed.

Emerging from the primordial ooze came four very very not happy members of Smallville who proceeded to jump on the much cleaner members of Supernatural.

Chad was cackling.

Which when eight muddy people turned to look at him made him panic.

“This is Armani,” he told them.

Jensen smiled, “God is going down.”

That was Armani, it was now a very expensive rag.

*****

 

And that was that.

Well that really wasn’t that.

 

Tom sat with the Evil Director who didn’t seem so evil anymore.

“That is a really good idea for that scene,” Tom told him honestly.

“You are a good kid Welling,” the director told him.

Tom smiled.

 

It was raining.

Jared rang Jensen’s doorbell, balancing the coffee cups, and whistling. Jensen opened the door. Jared held out the coffee and beamed.

“Another beautiful day,” he sang.

 

“We’re going to need you to come in on Saturday,” Kim said, waiting for the wrath of Jensen Ackles.

Jensen shrugged, “Anything you need Kim.”

 

And do you want to know what happened to those pens?

213 randomly selected fan letters were responded to with little packages. These packages contained pens and said things like ‘Jensen Ackles touched this pen. Love, Michael Rosenbaum’ or ‘From the set of Smallville. Love Michael Rosenbaum’ or ‘Jared Padalecki signed for dinner with this pen, Love Michael Rosenbaum.’ or ‘The future Superman chewed on this pen, Love Michael Rosenbaum.’ The pens were Bic or Sharpie and unremarkable, but 213 fans were wildly excited, if not a little skeptical.

 

Jared was sitting on set, playing with his phone, while Jensen was reading the newspaper.

“Jen,” Jared said suddenly, looking up.

“Mmmm,” Jensen acknowledged.

“What do you think Chad did in Vancouver when he wasn’t being all official?” Jared pondered.

Jensen looked up and thought for a moment, “Part of me wants to believe that he sat around buying tutus, thinking up challenges and making flow charts for them, and calling Kenzie, but that is a bit of a stretch.”

Jared thought for a moment, “Maybe its better that we don’t know.”

“Yes, yes it is,” Jensen agreed.

 

 

At the Upfronts the final part was played.

“So I’m noticing a theme,” Kristen said, looking at Michael and Tom’s shirts, “The cast of Smallville seems to be huge Supernatural fans. Is this solidarity for your fellow network boys?”

Michael smiled, “Just showing some Supernatural pride.”

Beneath his blazer Michael had a shirt that said ‘I Love Supernatural.’

 

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/truelyesoteric/pic/0000c503/)

 

He just grinned because it was something you did, not said. He just pulled Tom into a huge noogie.

“We’re fans what can we say?” Mike said charmingly.

Tom rolled his eyes and tried to forget that he was at one of these events and that he was wearing the t-shirt he was wearing.

His was simpler. It just said ‘Team Winchester.’

 

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/truelyesoteric/pic/0000dsdb/)

 

He just tried to pretend that this was normal.

Somewhere behind them were Allison Mack and Erica Durance. Allie had gone with the simple ‘I’d Rather be Padalecki-ing’ hoping to god she could explain it to Sandy before weirdness happened.

 

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/truelyesoteric/pic/0000e83z/)

 

Erica had gone the saucy route and had taken up the Jensen Ackles cause. Hers said ‘People for the Ethical Treatment of Jensen Ackles.”

 

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/truelyesoteric/pic/0000f0c7/)

 

Jensen and Jared just smiled as they watched.

Once and for all they had decided who was the better show.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: There is a lot so bear with me.
> 
> First I don’t know a single thing about DragonbalZ or DDR and I really don’t watch Smallville. So anything faulty on that is ignorance. I use pens so I’m totally an expert on that. I don’t do ballet, so I don’t know tutus. I have done karoke once, well actually I was back up, so I know a little about that. Mostly just mocking bad people. I've never gone paintballing so don't hold me responsible for that. I am pretty sure I played tug-of-war in grade school, but that wasn't yesterday so who knows.
> 
> Second, My friend came up with the 'Pride of the Tribes' way back in '98. It wasn't Survivor, this was two years before that. We were playing Mancala on the Fourth of July, yes I've always just been that cool. Long live the Sarna tribe.
> 
> Third I totally used the IMDB as a resource. You can't do it on term papers, but you can do it in fan fic. I declare it. All questions were taken verbatim almost from the imdb.com, I came up with none of that. Yes my Chad would so do that.
> 
> Fourth, 'Ingrown Vagina Wort Hair' is something I heard on the bus when I was in Junior High, go public school yo. I've never uttered it outloud, but it remains my favorite curse. I'm waiting to use it at the perfect time.
> 
> BFF in RL KCV gets the shout out for 'Turn a bitch out'
> 
> kitiaria was beta and she’s probably going to fail out of college because of me and the ‘how quickly can you get this done’?
> 
> iwwfw gave me some terrific advice, a few fun lines, and she got the girls involved. Goddamn-motherfucking-tinyballed-cuntfaced-asswipe is totally hers.
> 
> T-shirts are straight up horked from  café press They're not mine, I make no money off them. Go buy shirts.
> 
> What did I do in this fic?
> 
> I’m beginning to wonder.
> 
> Just put some words into my computer


End file.
